Babywearing: rest when your baby rests

This article was first published in the Natural Parent Magazine, Issue 55, 2024, with this beautiful cover artwork by Leanne Crowe - and here with permission.

If there’s one thing that consumes the minds of parents and carers, rest might be at the top of many families lists. Or more particularly, lack thereof. Disturbed sleep, eternal busy-ness, endless lists of chores that never seem to get shorter, information overload, and juggling innumerable balls in the air to meet our families’ basic needs plus commitments. The same can be said about our children too, with busy schedules leaving little time between engagements to rest.

Interestingly, there appears to be a wave of us calling out this phenomenon of rest resistance which appears to be pervasive in our daily lives. People around the world are reclaiming their holidays, lunch breaks, naps and siestas, saying ‘no’ more often and carving out more pockets for rest in their busy schedule (1, 2).  

As a parent, does the thought of this give you conniptions? Does it seem out of reach and humanly impossible? What if saying ‘no’ doesn’t seem possible? And what if you can’t just sleep more?

I recently stumbled across a TED Talk series about how to be a better human, and one described the concept of seven types of rest that every person needs (3). The concept addresses how rest and sleep are not the same thing, however many of us try to fix an ongoing lack of energy by getting more sleep only to still feel exhausted (4).

It got me thinking about parenting, how we can find more rest in our lives and how babywearing may be helpful. If you or your child are feeling depleted and have no identified health concern to explain it, and trying to get more sleep isn’t helping you, maybe there are other ways of resting for you and your family to explore to fill your cups and restore your energy levels (3).

1.       Physical rest

This may be the most widely recognised form of rest and the one to which most people can relate. Physical rest covers both passive and active forms (3). Babywearing can be a fantastic tool for facilitating active and passive rest for both carer and child.

Passive physical rest includes sleeping and napping. While it is not safe for the carer to sleep when babywearing, when you need two hands to keep managing all the daily tasks, activities, and self-care requirements, what better way to do both simultaneously, and more restfully, than by holding your child on your chest in a carrier. Your bedtime might be closer when multiple things can be done at once, rather than waiting until the end of the day before tackling the next job on the list. Or not, many people relish some alone time in the quiet stillness once everyone is in bed and that is restful too.

Many children find great comfort in being held and easily nap when in the carrier. When children are held close, their bodies have higher levels of oxytocin, the feel-good hormone, and lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone (5). Closeness supports regulation of breathing, heart rate and temperature, especially in children who are unwell or premature. Keeping children close reassures them they are safe, allows their caregivers to respond to their needs, and supports their physiology and development. When children are held close, they can relax and rest knowing they are safe and close to their special adult. Many carers also find they are more at ease when they are close to their child during the day, so they can see them, hear them, and respond to them quickly.

Active physical rest includes activities such as yoga, stretching, gentle walks, or even a massage (3). Many activities could be babywearing friendly, especially walking, hiking in nature, gardening, dancing around the loungeroom, or even a class like Kangatraining. Gentle physical activity is a wonderful way to nourish and promote restoration for our bodies, and babies are likely to love the movement and change of scenery.

2.       Mental rest

Sometimes the mental load of adulting can seem overwhelming. Add the mental load of parenting, and the burden can seem impossible. The mental load is the invisible, behind-the-scenes work that keeps your family afloat (6). It includes aaaallllllll the jobs that you have in your mind (plus the omnipresent feeling of those that fell out of your head when you didn’t write them down….. you’ll find out soon enough what they were). Although difficult to measure, research has shown the mental load often falls more heavily upon women, who are often the primary carers in their families, and can lead to feelings of overwhelm and exhaustion. Mental load for parents can be described in different ways, including managerial, emotional (see point 5 below), and cognitive tasks (6).

Managerial tasks include planning, organising, supervising, and scheduling (6). Babywearing can assist by lessening some of the administrative load. When your child is in a carrier, you know where they are and what they are doing. You can continue to do other things like chores, coffee dates, physical activity, school drop off, after school activities, and more. You can trust your child to take the sleep they need, when they need it, rather than running according to the clock (8).

Cognitive tasks include anticipating the family’s needs, researching options then making decisions, and remembering what needs to be done (6). Babywearing can assist by keeping your child close, so you can respond to their needs when they arise. You can action jobs with them on board and slowly tick things off your to-do list while they sleep – or not!

Babywearing can enhance mental rest for children, simply by taking away the question of whether they are safe or not. Our human behaviours are driven instinctively by our amygdala, a part deep within their brains, which is constantly searching for signs of danger (7). When they are held close to their carer, they don’t need to worry about where their protective person is, they are assured of a safe space, and ongoing access to food and drink. Your child can then rest and put their energy into learning and growing, rather than preparing for fight, flight, or freeze (7, 8).

3.       Sensory rest

Our worlds can be overstimulating – bright lights, screens, background noise, multiple and competing conversations. Although we all need a rich sensory diet for our wellbeing, especially our babies (8), there comes a point where it can all be a bit too much. Babywearing offers a reprieve for both carer and baby. Babies who are carried cry less, meaning less noise for carers to filter and less worry about the cause of the crying (10). Time in nature can also be enhanced by getting outside with a child in a carrier, with outdoors time being a lovely antidote to all the artificial lights and screens.

Babywearing offers children a safe place to escape and to turn away from all the sensory stimulation from exploring the world (8). They can return to a place of sensory familiarity – smell, sound, feel, sight, taste – close their eyes and snuggle on your chest to rest and sleep while they process all the rich sensory experiences of their adventures.

4.       Creative rest

Creative rest reawakens our sense of awe and wonder inside of us (3). Babywearing can enhance this for both parent and child. Holding your child close allows you to drink in their smell, snuggle into their soft hair, embrace their small bodies, and allows you to be reminded of their preciousness and the miracle of their birth. You can look down to watch their little face gaze up adoringly into your eyes and smiling with delight at being with the most incredible human they know – you.

In a carrier you can experience the beauty of the outdoors together, whether your backyard, a park, the river, the beach, or the bush. You can explore the wonders of nature together and be in awe of your existence and belonging in our amazing world.

5.       Emotional rest

Emotional rest means having the time and space to meet your own needs. Many parents may recognise this as one of the most difficult types of rest to carve out within the busyness of parenthood. Emotional tasks form part of the mental load as outlined above in point 2 and include the concern that goes into setting family goals, maintaining everyone’s wellbeing, and tending to everyone’s emotional needs (6).

When your child is snuggled into your chest, you know that your body is providing them with the safety they need to rest and to regulate their nervous systems (5). You don’t need to be rushing around to please the child and consciously meet their needs as this is just being done naturally. This might leave a bit more in your tank for others who might need more active meeting of their emotional needs, and more importantly, yourself.

6.       Social rest

If you need more emotional rest, you may also struggle to eke out enough social rest (3). When we are so busy meeting the needs of others, we may neglect our own. Sometimes relationships can deplete us, so surrounding ourselves with positive and supportive people who revive us can be so important.

Make time for that cuppa catch up, prioritise attending exercise classes (some classes such as Kangatraining are babywearing friendly) or going for walks with friends, make that video call to a favourite person living a long distance away or send a quick text message telling someone you appreciate them. Be present with the people you love and turn off distractions so you can fully immerse yourself in the interaction.

You can do many of these things and more with your child held close to you in a carrier, while you top up your cup and get the social rest you need for yourself to enhance your ability to care for others.

7.       Spiritual rest

Spiritual rest means being able to connect beyond the daily grind and feel a deep sense of belonging, love, acceptance and purpose (3). This involves engaging something greater than yourself, and many people find this through meditation, mindfulness, prayer or being involved in their community such as through volunteering.

Many of these activities can be managed with your child snuggled into your chest in a carrier. Many need just a moment of conscious attention to squeeze into your day, such as a closure of eyes to include a brief meditation while you sip your cup of tea or give thanks for all that you are grateful.

Embrace the power of rest

It is common for parents to feel depleted and struggle to top up their tanks. Sleep alone may not restore us to the point of feeling rested, and other forms of rest can help revive us when we are exhausted (3). Did any of the above types of rest stand out for you? Did you identify areas in your life where you may benefit from more rest time? Embrace the power of rest, perhaps together with your child snuggled into your chest in a carrier, to support your family to be more restored and enrich this special time of life together.

Kato x

References

1.       Dent, M 2014, Our resistance to rest, <https://www.maggiedent.com/blog/our-resistance-rest/>

2.       Hersey, T 2024, The Nap Ministry, <https://thenapministry.com/>

3.       TED Talks 2021, The 7 types of rest that every person needs, <https://ideas.ted.com/the-7-types-of-rest-that-every-person-needs/>

4.       Dalton-Smith, S 2023, 7 Types of Rest Framework, <https://www.drdaltonsmith.com/>

5.       Uvnas-Moberg, K, & Petersson, M 2005, ‘Oxytocin, a mediator of anti-stress, well-being, social interaction, growth, and healing’, Zeitschrift fur Psychosomatische Medizin und Psychotherapie, vol. 51, no. 1, pp. 57-80. https://doi.org/10.13109/zptm.2005.51.1.57

6.       Wayne, JH et al 2023, ‘Who’s remembering to buy the eggs? The meaning, measurement and implications of invisible family load’, Journal of Business and Psychology, 38, pp. 1159-1184. <https://doi.org/10.1007/s10869-023-09887-7> 

7.       Young, K 2024, Anxiety in kids and the calming, brave-building power of touch, <https://www.heysigmund.com/touch-oxytocin-and-anxiety-in-kids-teens/>

8.       Circle of Security International 2022, https://www.circleofsecurityinternational.com/circle-of-security-model/what-is-the-circle-of-security/

9.      Douglas, P 2019, The Discontented Little Baby Book, University of Queensland Press, St Lucia.

10.   Hunziker, U. A., & Barr, R. G. (1986). Increased carrying reduces infant crying: A randomised controlled trial. Paediatrics, 77(5), 641-648. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.77.5.641